Three weeks in! I have been working out at the gym for three weeks. That is pretty good. My counselor keeps asking me if I am proud of myself. I guess I am but I keep waiting for me to mess up and quit going. Every day it is a struggle. I suppose she wants me to jump up and shout, pound my chest with pride. I don’t feel that wonderful yet. I am pretty hard on myself (the depression causes a lot of negative thinking and blunts a lot of my good feelings). I won’t really feel that much pride over working out until I start seeing and feeling some results. Big results. I feel somewhat different – more compact. My muscles are getting stronger and tighter. That is a good thing, yet I don’t feel much pride. I don’t feel much energy yet either. I will feel a short burst after working out but I need the energy to last me the whole day through and into evening.
Perhaps I need to kick it up a notch. I am having a hard time balancing my work load this semester so I don’t think I can squeeze anymore exercise time in. I really need to address my eating. It is just easier to grab quick food, easy food, fast food, junk food rather than plan and make healthier meals. I am going to have to get around to tackling that one of these days. I haven’t been eating as much as I used to though, and I have been eating my big meals closer to midday rather than in the evening. I usually just crash in the evening when I get home. That is why I need more energy! So I can study and perhaps pack a healthy lunch for the next day.
Anxiety – that is another bear. I usually enjoy exercising at the gym once I get there but the getting there is tough because I think of all the other things I should be doing. Sometimes it is hard to shut that anxiety down while I am exercising too. I have to keep pushing myself to get in a good workout. It is a battle and most days I am tired, anxious, scattered and battle scarred. I fight myself but I am committed to exercising. MUST GET HEALTHY!!
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