I fail...

Well I must admit that I did not work out yesterday. I stayed at home presumably to get some writing done. I failed at that too and basically goofed off for a good part of the day. Don't you hate it when you are unfocused and unmotivated?

I did miss working out though and I started getting antsy in the afternoon, wanting to get in some kind of work out. I wanted to get on the wii but I procrastinated and had to get ready to go to my internship. By the time I got home around 10pm I was pretty well wore out.

I guess the good thing about it is that I missed working out – I wanted to work out. I didn’t think it would have that much of an impact on me but it seems to. Now I just need to figure out why I didn’t just do it. It almost seems like I punished myself or I am playing games with my own head. That is weird.

OK, let me break it down.

Part of why I didn’t work out  is I truly have a lot of writing I need to do, some I even want to do =) and I felt like I would get some done yesterday. It sucks that I didn't because I have been behind on a lot of stuff (reading and writing) since the beginning of the semester and really wanted to get caught up and if I would have been on the ball yesterday, I could have. I have been stressed over this. I really messed up and got distracted by the internet, cleaning up some messiness around the house, and the TV. That sucks. Part me argues that I needed a day just to veg out, relax, but part of me is kicking myself. I was pretty anxious yesterday too, about not getting much of anything done, so I really didn’t relax. It was a wasted day.

Another reason why I didn't go or press the issue is I was half conscious of some thoughts I was having about monitoring myself. Could motivate myself to go without the pressure of someone waiting for me to show up? How would I feel if I didn't go? Would I miss working out? Would I feel guilty if I didn't go? I was trying to analyze myself, ha.

Then there is just plain laziness and I was tired as always.

The positive aspect of all this is that I realized I missed working out. Yeah I know I said that earlier (was it twice already?) but I think that is a big deal for me – I didn’t think I would. I didn’t feel guilty either, I just missed the activity and I had a desire for it. Working out is becoming valuable to me. Bottom line is I just need to do it. Stay out of my head, and just do it. The more I work out more I want to do it. It is funny that I just realized that simple concept - people have been telling me that for years. I am finally getting it. It's a damn miracle!

Flowers always make me feel better, more positive.