I want to get this blog going again...

 Here I am, thinking about getting this blog going again. More and more I think about exercising more and eating better. I crave veggies more. It is just easier to grab snacks and fast food. It is not tastier though. Exercise...yeah, I want to do but I am so tired all the time. I fear that I will end up not being able to move if I don't start doing something now. My movement is already limited and my breathing while exercising or even walking for any kind of distance is labored. That's bad and makes it hard for me to get going. 

Self-Sabotage

So I was feeling a bit lighter at the top of the year. I went back to work and someone noticed I lost weight. Perhaps a little was my my reply. Soon after I started binge eating. I eat when I am not hungry, I go from one thing to the next-- salty, sweet, salty sweet. I can't get enough.

Why?

Now I am heavier. I feel the fat weighing me down, hindering my movement. I just want to stay in bed.

Why?

Why do I do this to myself? Is it because somebody said something about my body. This has happened before. But it I don't consciously think about the remark and then my body image and eating. I just start eating. Now I feel that I am back up to my top weight--around 240.

I am afraid to weight myself.

Weight

I thought about weighing myself yesterday...thought about it.

I signed into myfitnesspal.com....I weighed about 230 the last time I was in there. I might be lighter now. A little lighter...

maybe.

We'll see.

I'm back...

Wow. I see I tried to get this going last year...it was not a success. I will try harder this year. I have been on one hell of a ride these last couple of years and I don't have time for myself. Not for exercising anyway. I need to get healthier though. My husband had a heart attack in August and that scared him into eating vegetables. What did it scare me into? Just cooking healthier meals for him-- we eat mostly chicken and fish now. But I still snack on junk...I don't exercise. Time to make healthier changes for me too.

Yet Again...

Here I am yet again writing that I have to get this going, this weight loss thing. I really need to though. I actually lost 20-30 pounds in 2011 but I put about half of it back on in 2012. I had an extremely bad year in 2012, especially in the fall. In addition to being stressed out (anxious) and depressed, I was tired and achy all the time and all I wanted to do was sleep, eat, and watch TV-- basically hibernate. I needed to break out of that but nothing I tried worked. I did not have enough energy and strength to try exercise. I should have...

I think (hope) I may be coming out of hibernation mode but it is difficult. I still really just want to stay in bed, reading and watching TV. But I am going to break out of it. I am determined. Part of trying to break out of my funk is I want to start exercising again. i hope it will help me with my stress level and maybe I can shed those pounds I put back on and more. It is a new year and I definitely want it to be much better than the last.

Crunch Time

I really need to get this blog going again. I really need to start exercising like I did when I started this blog. Regular exercise and to eat better - those are my top New Year's resolutions. I am not sure I will achieve my dream of being a thin graduate but I have to try;  I have to at least lose some weight by the time I graduate on April 29. Can I lose 80 pounds by then? Ha...

I have lost some weight - 20 to 30 pounds since last summer. I was able to do that because the medication I am on took away all my food cravings and I didn't feel like eating. I went off my meds over Christmas break and the last few days I have been eating way too much. I feel so bloated, ugh. My pants are still very lose though but I need to start losing weight again. I want to start losing weight again; I don't want to feel all full and bloated.

I want to work in regular exercise - I do miss it. I took 16 credit hours in school last semester so it was hard to work in a regular exercise time. I would occasionally play Just Dance; I have all kinds of those fun dancing games now. I love 'em - just have to play 'em on a regular basis. I am taking 16 credit hours this semester too, grr. I love school too much and I feel like I have to do all I can before I graduate, get in all the classes I can, but I do want to get healthy too. So I am starting up this blog again to get me to work in that exercise time and eat better.

Sleepy

I went to the buffet today at school. That was a big mistake because I ate too much and now I am sleepy. I should have went to the gym. I would have some energy now. When will I ever learn??

So it is the new semester. I did not meet my goal last semester although I was somewhat proud of myself being able to exercise on a regular basis. I have not been able to get up a good regular exercise regime for this semester yet. Part of me is willing, desiring, craving to exercise regularly. Another part me just wants to be lazy, and take life easy, eat what I want and sleep in. I need to do something though because I put all my weight back on that I lost last fall and I am sick of being too fat. I am sick of the unhealthy things I am doing to my body, sick of feeling like crap because I am obese.