I want to get this blog going again...

 Here I am, thinking about getting this blog going again. More and more I think about exercising more and eating better. I crave veggies more. It is just easier to grab snacks and fast food. It is not tastier though. Exercise...yeah, I want to do but I am so tired all the time. I fear that I will end up not being able to move if I don't start doing something now. My movement is already limited and my breathing while exercising or even walking for any kind of distance is labored. That's bad and makes it hard for me to get going. 

Self-Sabotage

So I was feeling a bit lighter at the top of the year. I went back to work and someone noticed I lost weight. Perhaps a little was my my reply. Soon after I started binge eating. I eat when I am not hungry, I go from one thing to the next-- salty, sweet, salty sweet. I can't get enough.

Why?

Now I am heavier. I feel the fat weighing me down, hindering my movement. I just want to stay in bed.

Why?

Why do I do this to myself? Is it because somebody said something about my body. This has happened before. But it I don't consciously think about the remark and then my body image and eating. I just start eating. Now I feel that I am back up to my top weight--around 240.

I am afraid to weight myself.

Weight

I thought about weighing myself yesterday...thought about it.

I signed into myfitnesspal.com....I weighed about 230 the last time I was in there. I might be lighter now. A little lighter...

maybe.

We'll see.

I'm back...

Wow. I see I tried to get this going last year...it was not a success. I will try harder this year. I have been on one hell of a ride these last couple of years and I don't have time for myself. Not for exercising anyway. I need to get healthier though. My husband had a heart attack in August and that scared him into eating vegetables. What did it scare me into? Just cooking healthier meals for him-- we eat mostly chicken and fish now. But I still snack on junk...I don't exercise. Time to make healthier changes for me too.

Yet Again...

Here I am yet again writing that I have to get this going, this weight loss thing. I really need to though. I actually lost 20-30 pounds in 2011 but I put about half of it back on in 2012. I had an extremely bad year in 2012, especially in the fall. In addition to being stressed out (anxious) and depressed, I was tired and achy all the time and all I wanted to do was sleep, eat, and watch TV-- basically hibernate. I needed to break out of that but nothing I tried worked. I did not have enough energy and strength to try exercise. I should have...

I think (hope) I may be coming out of hibernation mode but it is difficult. I still really just want to stay in bed, reading and watching TV. But I am going to break out of it. I am determined. Part of trying to break out of my funk is I want to start exercising again. i hope it will help me with my stress level and maybe I can shed those pounds I put back on and more. It is a new year and I definitely want it to be much better than the last.

Crunch Time

I really need to get this blog going again. I really need to start exercising like I did when I started this blog. Regular exercise and to eat better - those are my top New Year's resolutions. I am not sure I will achieve my dream of being a thin graduate but I have to try;  I have to at least lose some weight by the time I graduate on April 29. Can I lose 80 pounds by then? Ha...

I have lost some weight - 20 to 30 pounds since last summer. I was able to do that because the medication I am on took away all my food cravings and I didn't feel like eating. I went off my meds over Christmas break and the last few days I have been eating way too much. I feel so bloated, ugh. My pants are still very lose though but I need to start losing weight again. I want to start losing weight again; I don't want to feel all full and bloated.

I want to work in regular exercise - I do miss it. I took 16 credit hours in school last semester so it was hard to work in a regular exercise time. I would occasionally play Just Dance; I have all kinds of those fun dancing games now. I love 'em - just have to play 'em on a regular basis. I am taking 16 credit hours this semester too, grr. I love school too much and I feel like I have to do all I can before I graduate, get in all the classes I can, but I do want to get healthy too. So I am starting up this blog again to get me to work in that exercise time and eat better.

Sleepy

I went to the buffet today at school. That was a big mistake because I ate too much and now I am sleepy. I should have went to the gym. I would have some energy now. When will I ever learn??

So it is the new semester. I did not meet my goal last semester although I was somewhat proud of myself being able to exercise on a regular basis. I have not been able to get up a good regular exercise regime for this semester yet. Part of me is willing, desiring, craving to exercise regularly. Another part me just wants to be lazy, and take life easy, eat what I want and sleep in. I need to do something though because I put all my weight back on that I lost last fall and I am sick of being too fat. I am sick of the unhealthy things I am doing to my body, sick of feeling like crap because I am obese.

Weight Loss Ideas

Simple Ways to Cut 500 Calories

These 24 calorie-blasting strategies will help you lose weight and burn more fat all day long

From Fitbie

 http://fitbie.msn.com/lose-weight/tips/simple-ways-cut-500-calories/tip/0

Token Videos: Exercise Bloopers

OW!!









LOL, P.U.

Same ole same ole...

I did not go work out today. I had plans to go to the gym and also go swimming but those fell through. The only time I worked out this week was Monday - that sucks.

I have been so emotional lately and it just wears on me. In addition to all the stress I wrote about in my Wednesday blog, I found out this morning (my husband received a call from his ex-wife) that my stepson has been staying out late on school nights (he didn't get home until after 2am last night) and he has also been smoking - not just cigarettes. This is normal teenage stuff but this really did surprise my husband and I because my stepson has always been responsible. We thought we could trust him and have given him lots of freedom because of this. Apparently we were wrong.

So this morning I was about to have a breakdown - I was frustrated, sad and angry. I didn't know what to do about it. I wanted to throw my phone against the wall then I just wanted to sleep but I had appointments then I had to pick up my husband and stepson so we could all talk. I didn't have time for schoolwork though I can't freakin' concentrate on it enough to get anything done anyway. I certainly didn't feel like working out although it might have helped. Of course thoughts about all the other things I need to do creep into my workouts. The only thing good about this morning was I forgot to eat. I was so wrapped up in the crisis and also all the stuff I had to do I just didn't eat. Well maybe that is not so good after all because I chowed down at dinner.

What do I do to get back on track? The only thing I can think to do is to push all this emotional BS aside for now, concentrate on my school work this week-end so I can get back on track with my exercising on Monday. I may try to work in some exercise before then but we will see how it goes. Lately I just feel like I can't win.

Two Great Slideshows

I love looking at these before and after slideshows of people's weight loss:

http://fitbie.msn.com/slideshow/amazing-weight-loss-success

This next slideshow is cool - it is about bizarre side effects of working out:

http://fitbie.msn.com/fitness-tips/tips/10-bizarre-side-effects-exercise/tip/0

I have experienced some of them but not the 'coregasm' unfortunately, haha. Last night I was wondering if exercise makes you poop more but it didn't make the list.

Meltdown

I have been having meltdowns lately. It is another week of stress and anxiety and I am letting it get in the way of my workouts. I tried to workout on Monday - well I did workout on the weight machines for about a half and hour but I just wanted to get out of there. I kept thinking about all I had to do for my classes and another problem (husband being taken back to court by his ex-wife over some stupid BS) I am having. Too much on my mind and all I want to do is just BE.

Monday, as far as exercising goes, ended up being OK because I went back to the gym with some friends later in the day and I did about twenty plus minutes on the treadmill. I just ate way too much on Monday. It feels like I can't win. I have noticed the more I exercise the more I want to eat. What's up with that? Maybe I shouldn't worry about it too much because I have been losing weight, although not as fast as I would like.

Today I didn't go to the gym because my workout buddy wasn't going. I am perfectly able to go by myself, I just blew it off. I had hopes of getting some homework done but of course I blew that off too. The more stressed and anxious I become the less I want to do. I just want to say forget about it and stay at home and sleep. I hide! That is not good.

I need to overcome this I just don't know what to do. My energy level is so low that I can't just power through all this negativity. I need some damn energy so I can power through all my the papers I have to write. Where is all this energy you are supposed to have from working out? I never feel it - even when I went to the gym three times a week. I sometimes get a short burst of energy but nothing major.

I am banging my head against the wall with this. Why do I let stuff get to me? Why do I let stuff get in the way  of doing something that is good for me?

Token Video of the Week

An old classic...EAT IT!
Weird Al spoofing Michael Jackson
Link to it:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZcJjMnHoIBI

We are using this song in our Obesity and Impulsivity presentation in Advanced Research & Writing

Take a look at this one (sort of offensive):



More Weird Al spoofing a Michael Jackson song.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t2mU6USTBRE&feature=channel

I have never seen that one before. It is kind of wrong. He touches on some 'fat' stereotypes and quite a few insults. Not sure how I feel about it.

I'm on a roll...

Well a small roll. I didn't go to the gym this week at all. That is very bad. Same excuses as always. I have been getting on the Wii though so that is good. I have done Just Dance 2 three days in a row now. Wahoo! I can't say enough how much I love that game. It is super fun.

I also did Wii Fit the last two days. Yesterday I was down 2.2 pounds from the last time I was on two weeks ago. Today I was down even further - it said I lost a little over a pound since yesterday. Now those are results I like to see! I know that is unrealistic but hey, maybe all the dancing and sweating is the way to go. Or maybe I unloaded all the Thanksgiving dinner I took in on Thursday. EWWWWW, sorry TMI.

I Feel Like Singing!

Tonight I decided to put my ipod on while I write. Bad idea. The first two songs were old favorites and now I just want to forget writing and sing my heart out. I haven’t done that in a while – I don’t sing like I used to; I don’t listen to music as much as I used to. I think that is a byproduct of depression. I am starting to come out of it so now I can allow music back in my life. I just can’t sing and let in all out tonight because I have a lot of writing to do and my husband and stepson are home – I can’t belt out all my favorite love songs for fear of embarrassing myself. I would probably scare the crap out of them too, ha.

I wonder how many calories singing burns? Sitting and singing for an hour burns about 157 calories. Standing and singing for the same time burns around 367. Awesome! I will have to remember that. I usually stand and sit while I am singing and my ‘concerts’ usually last at least an hour.  I could add singing at least once a week to my exercise/activity regimen.

Activity Calculator:

http://health.discovery.com/centers/cholesterol/activity/activity.html

I sometimes think that if I sang every time I got a really bad food craving, I might not eat, I might forget about the craving. I have never really tried it because (my will power isn’t strong enough) I am weak when it comes to food. I want to eat! Well there is always my lack of energy problem, and food gives me a short term high. Singing usually tires me out. I would still like to do some research on this concept - can a person be successful at replacing food cravings with a hobby or activity? Interesting… I wonder if there are any studies out there on that – something I will have to investigate.

Just Dance!

Yay! So I got on the Wii today and I have lost 2.2 pounds since the last time I was on two weeks ago. Of course my BMI is down a slight bit also. That is awesome considering all the food I ate yesterday. I did a few balance exercises on the Wii fit and then I couldn’t wait to try out Just Dance 2 again. First I decided to try the other new game I bought – Gold’s Gym Dance Fitness.

I popped that one in and set up my profile and did a little bit. I didn’t like it very much – it is too hard and goes too fast. You really have to be coordinated to work out to that. Plus I wanted to see what music was on it but I couldn’t figure out if I could pick my songs or if I had to work my way (earn it) through. I had to give up. I think I will put that one away for when I get a little more coordinated.

Then I put in my Just Dance 2. I was thinking that I would just do one song and then stop but I ended up having so much fun with it I did about 4 songs. That kicked my butt again but I like it. I just don’t know what is so fun about that game but it is fantastic. If I only have enough time to work out to that every day I will lose weight in no time. Most of the time I don’t even move my legs – the whole not coordinated thing prevents me. With practice I hope to get better.

It is so weird that I like that dancing game. I was never much of a dancer or at least not one for choreographed dance. When I was a kid all the girls I knew always wanted to pretend like they were dancers (that was back in the early 80’s and Solid Gold was a big thing, haha – look it up young’ins)or cheerleaders and that never interested me that much. I am surprised I love Just Dance 2 so much. It might be because it is more fun than just regular exercise or aerobics and the dances aren’t all the same – more variety. Anyway I am happy I bought that game.

Happy Thanksgiving

I hope everyone had a happy Thanksgiving. I have been having a pretty good one although it is not going to help my quest to lose weight at all. I had TWO Thanksgiving dinners! Well not all on the same day, thank goodness. My husband and I went to my Mom’s last night and had Thanksgiving dinner with her and my sister-in-law and my nephews. I did not stuff myself, which is a good thing. This was partly due to this not being the best Thanksgiving dinner my Mom has ever cooked. Don’t tell her I said that.

My youndest nephew, the holy terror Brent

He took a picture of my rolls, ha.

Today we went to my husband’s family get together. I must say I did some damage to the food table. I did go back for seconds. All the food was sooo good! I did a really good thing though. I brought a Wii game I just bought, Just Dance, to the party in hopes I could get my two youngest nieces to play with me. They were excited to play so after dinner we popped the game into the Wii. That is one hard game! It kicked my butt and made me sweat big time. I did about two songs and that was it for me. It was fun though. My youngest niece (she is 7) lost interest in it pretty quickly because the game is pretty difficult. I thought my idea was going to fizzle out but most of the family started playing and those who didn’t play had a lot of fun watching the dancers. I was surprised to see my nephews really liked the game and even my brother-in- laws got up there to dance. We all played for about four hours! I must have laughed my butt off - that burns calories too, right? Everyone had a good time and it sure beat sitting around nodding off to football on the TV. So I am happy I brought the game and I think I am going to bring it to the family Christmas too.

Dancing after dinner.

Token Videos: Shake Weight - the perfect Christmas gift =)

Shake weights, what everyone wants for Christmas. Almost as popular as the Chia Pet.



OK, even though it looks totally silly and wrong, I wonder if it works? My arms need all the help they can get.

Parodies:

WARNING, sort of explicit material.



OMG! So wrong, but funny.

Another one, WARNING - bad language.


This one had me ROFLMAO!

More Research

After much rumination and list making, as well as database searching I have come up with a research question for my obesity research! I am going to do research on impulsivity and research again but I am leaving the media portion out. Here is my reasoning and research question from my initial proposal to my professor:

There is a link between food cravings and impulsivity and this leads to obesity. I would like to investigate this with an eye toward food as an addictive substance. My research question thus far is:

People who experience food cravings will also score higher on impulsivity tests. People who experience food cravings and score high for impulsivity will be overweight to obese.

***

I am not completely happy with it; it seems rather simplistic but I am limited as to what I can do as an undergrad. I can’t measure people’s physiological states or do brain scans nor can I alter their brain chemistry, etc. I don’t think we have the resources to do research with rats or mice so this is what I am stuck with. I am interested in my question, don’t get me wrong, I just wanted to do something more. Not sure what I mean by that but perhaps a true experiment, plus I want to see the affect food has on the brain. I know what I feel when it comes to food cravings and I believe food is addicting (is it food or eating that is addicting) but I want to be able to show something concrete.

The research will be survey based. I intend to have my participants take an impulsivity survey then answer questions about their weight, height and eating habits. I also will ask about food cravings and favorite foods. Since there is a correlation between impulsivity and addiction (it is thought they have or act on the same brain pathways) I am trying to draw a connection between food cravings and addiction.

Obviously I have to do more research to back up my argument. I have some good articles picked out but I just haven’t had the time to go through them. My professor didn’t give me any negative feedback so I assume I am on the right track.

Back On the Wagon - Good Workout

I had a good workout today! I had to get back on the wagon and make sure I made this workout count! Of course I didn’t overdue it. You can’t make up for lost time.

There is a new ab machine at the gym. I am excited because the couple of machines they had just weren’t doing anything for me (I didn’t feel anything in my abs!) and I ain’t into sit-ups! I call this new machine the sit and spin, haha. You sit on a rotating seat, grip two handles and pull yourself to one side or the other. It works your oblique’s the most, I think. I can really feel it and it doesn’t feel like a torture device like the other twisty machine there. I am so bad at remembering the names of the machines and describing them.  

So hopefully this week I can keep on track. As always I am stressed out about my workload, plus I have a wind symphony concert on Wednesday so my anxiety is high. I think I took too much on this semester (17 credits, yikes!). All I really want to do is concentrate on losing weight and getting healthy – mentally and physically. I am just getting tired of the constant struggle. If I had more energy I know I could handle everything but my energy is so low. I am so tired of saying that, so tired of writing that. I hope it gets better. I just have to keep on trying, keep on pushing and hopefully things will get better.

***

So I have forty more words to make this a complete post, hehe. What to write about? I find writing about exercising can be a bit tedious. You have to write about the challenges, the mental state. I have a lot to say about my challenges and my mental state. I just hope I don’t overwhelm my readers or I hope I don’t come across as a big baby. I just want to paint an accurate picture. At times I feel I go to deep into my issues, at times I feel I don’t go far enough. At times I feel like I just can’t win. I hope this feeling isn't an indicator of the week to come.